I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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