Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
