I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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