now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
