well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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