she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
