Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
