Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
