They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
