I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
