i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
