ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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