Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
