I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am naked and annoyed.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
