I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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