Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize