i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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