I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
