You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
