He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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