I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
