Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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