garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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