Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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