Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
