Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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