My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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