fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
