I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
