have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
