also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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