u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
