We got so high we made milksteak
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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