he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
