U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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