After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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