Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
