i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
