he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
