Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
