Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
