I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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