I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
