Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize