i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
