Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
