he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
