I just made out with a guy for $7.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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