Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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