12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
