i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
