Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
its liver damage thursday
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
