I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
