I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
