Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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