Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
