no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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