My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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