there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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