dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
