I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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