so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
